I LANDED at Ronaldsway last Tuesday, refreshed and alert after R&R and aware that in my absence the Chief Minister had been down to make a statement in Tynwald on whether or not the Manx Government was thinking about going for independence for the Isle of Man.
Standing on the tarmac I sniffed our sweet mountain air for the acrid smell of bloody rebellion.
Not a whiff.
I drove into Douglas. There was no barbed wire barricade at the Fairy Bridge manned by men – and presumably women; you can’t tell in those black balaclavas and ill-fitting fatigues – hefting Kalashnikov AK47s as if they knew what to do with one.
The next morning I went to my workplace at Manx Radio. All was what passes for normal at Broadcasting House. The Isle of Man’s national radio station had not been taken over by rebel forces.
It was now clear to me that in Tynwald Mr Bell had simply said: ‘No.’
The Manx Spring, the fight for freedom from the brutal colonial repression imposed on us by the British Government, had stalled yet again.
In my experience we have had a few shots at it – if that’s the way to put it – over the past 50 years but nothing has come of them.
It’s not surprising. Even Mr Bell who, as I recall, was well up for independence in his early days, knows it would have certain drawbacks.
For one thing, we haven’t got the money to raise an army, we’d have to nationalise Flybe and tool up their aeroplanes to make an air force, and the most fearsome thing we have afloat in the way of a navy is the Tarroo Ushtey.
Also, we haven’t got enough diplomats. There would have to be Manx embassies in all the 170 major countries of the world, just like Britain, and we would need ambassadors and other people to run them.
It’s not easy being a world power, you know.
There’s also another little thing. Well, a pretty big thing actually. There would have to be a president of the Democratic Republic of the Isle of Man chosen to live in and rule from Government House.
This would involve His Excellency Adam Wood and family being marched down, perhaps in chains, to catch the Ben-my-Chree’s morning departure for Heysham.
It would not be a nice thing to do during the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee Year but perhaps better than facing a firing squad on Tynwald Hill.
So, what next?
The new president would have to be democratically elected. The first thought is that he or she would be a politician and I would think the Liberal Vannin Party will have a couple of candidates in mind.
But I do not agree. I would insist that the presidency should be open to each and every one of us, you and me my fellow Manx men and women, someone who . . .
What? No, no, no. Thanks all the same but not at my time of life.
Unless the money’s good.
• Just before I went on R&R I heard the morning news on Manx Radio telling me that I should boil my water before drinking it.
In the morning my water is already pretty hot. But I wouldn’t dream of drinking it anyway.
• WIMBLEDON 2012 has passed by and I have been given a cutting of a magazine article about Leon Smith, a relatively unknown Scot, who was mentored by Ivan Lendl at the Australian Open and there is a picture caption saying: ‘Sitting across from Ivan Lendl, drinking a cup of coffee in the Melbourne sunshine, Leon Smith admitted that he took a moment to give himself a tug.’
You can’t tell him to pull the other one.