I suppose I should welcome the planned toilet tax of £50-a-year to be imposed on the people of the Isle of Man because it offers a columnar excuse for indulging is some easy toilet humour. You know the sort of thing. But I am going to avoid this at all costs.
Please read on.
The reason for the tax is withdrawal by the Treasury of certain funding for the Isle of Man Water and Sewerage Authority. But I wonder if this has been properly thought through.
In the first place I am not sure about how we are going to have to pay this toilet tax. Will a man come round to the front door and ask for £50 in cash, by cheque or by credit card, and also ask if he can come in and ascertain if we actually have a toilet?
It could be grossly unfair for the Treasury to assume all of us have one. After all, it might well be the case that some people have decided they cannot afford to pay the tax, the toilet has been removed and taken to the nearest amenity site, and in future they will go outside, into the countryside.
We have all of us had to do this at some time in our lives. It’s not a lost art. We just have to be careful in finding a considerate place to use. We don’t want people out walking their dogs treading in it.
There is also the question of whether the tax should be a fixed sum or not. Surely it would be fairer if people who don’t go the toilet very often have to pay less. I think the size of the tax should be graded on a sliding scale depending on the average number of trips to the toilet taken by a person in a 24-hour period.
The trouble with this is, how can it be policed? Think about it, if you can bear to.
The other thing is that I’m not sure when imposition of the tax is to begin. I have been told that it is likely to be from April 1 this year.
There seems to be nothing more to say as far as this date is concerned.
There. I have done it. No terrible toilet jokes.
Phew!
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A short time ago I complained about what seem to be tiny black flies infesting the bijou residence. This brought in a call from a lady in Laxey, wishing not to be named, who told me: ‘It’s because there’s a dead body in the house.’
Well, you would think I’d notice one of those. Dead people take up a lot of room.
But no, she said it must be the body of something small like a mouse which has expired somewhere on the premises. Maggots are feeding on it and they eventually turn into the flies.
I wonder if I should impose a service charge on them.
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‘Pam of Onchan’ – nothing more – rang in to report something she saw on the electronic sign on the approach to the Mountain Road which offers motorists weather information.
It said: ‘High winds, ice, loose sheep.’
Not loose women then?
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