‘It’s football Jim, but not as we know it.’
The words I uttered almost Spock-like to my colleague Dave as we observe the first game of the Isle of Man FA’s walking football tournament.
The ‘slow’ paced version of the beautiful game, which is aimed at over 50s, made its island debut with a special four-team round robin competition in the NSC’s main sports hall last week.
Part of the Department of Health’s Self-Care Week, the event drew a glittering array of talent including Minister of Health David Anderson MHK, who spearheaded the Health Service Strollers title tilt with Dudley Butt MLC, FA chief executive Frank Stennett and a Media All-Stars team that included me, Dave and IoM Newspapers’ mercurial sports editor John Watterson (the latter making his first five-a-side appearance since the 1980s).
I must admit when organiser Norman Kneen contacted the sports desk to see if we could assemble a crack media side I had visions of the infamous Father Ted episode ‘Escape from Victory’ in which Ted attempts to manage Craggy Island to victory in the All-Priests Over-75s’ Five-a-Side Football Challenge.
The Father Dougal-esque giddiness of fellow media recruits Ed Oldham (Manx Radio) and James Proudfoot (Energy FM) are, however, where the comparisons with the seminal Channel Four series ends with the on-court action not a million miles away from regular five-a-side.
Not surprising really when you consider the only real difference between the two is that you’re not allowed to run. Not doing that is a lot harder than you think.
With bursts of pace outlawed, accurate passing was the order of the day a skill that sadly the media side only managed to refine three games into our four-match campaign.
Other sides picked it up quicker with eventual finalists, the NSC Select and FA Occasionals, conspiring to produce some almost tiki-taka football at times.
This left the ragtag media side to duke it out with the Health Service in the third-fourth play-off.
After a nail-biting five minutes, Oldham’s late, late strike secured us a 1-0 win and brought to a close a thoroughly enjoyable morning of football.
For more information on walking football contact the IoMFA office on 613750.