WE hear a lot these days about the Lady Chauffeurs. Their services, which can be readily guessed at, are often advertised on Manx Radio and they stir up certain images in my mind and, I suspect, the minds of other old gentlemen.
I reckon they must be smartly uniformed in the first place and it is a fact that women in uniform are often the fancy of gentlemen old and young.
They might also be wearing peaked caps tilted at a saucy angle and close fitting uniform trousers tucked into black boots with high heels.
Whatever it is all about I really don’t know and it is a regrettable fact that I cannot afford a chauffeur, or a chauffeuse, which I believe is the correct word for women chauffeurs.
But this is by the way, I have other concerns.
During the Second World War the British Government used to issue a kind of propaganda messages designed to keep up the morale of the people.
One of them, bearing the image of a royal crown, was followed by the words: ‘Keep calm and carry on.’
Now I have discovered that the Isle of Man’s Lady Chauffeurs are sending out a similar message to the Manx people.
Their visiting cards also bear the royal crown and have the words: ‘Keep calm and call the Lady Chauffeurs.’
What? And carry on with them?
THE 2016 Olympic Games are upon us and there are quite a few people who are in line for gold medals for managing to avoid news media coverage of them. If so they will have missed an Olympics story that was on the Guardian website.
It related to cyclist Chris Froome, describing him as the ‘first Briton to win three Tours titless.’
THIS week’s crossword clue has come in from Jenny Williamson and Barbara Taylor. It was in the Telegraph Toughie as follows: ‘Shop worker offering service to pets in Douglas (8).’
MANX Radio’s weatherman at Ronaldsway Colin Gartshore finds his way into my column again.
The other week I said he was performing a public service for the elderly by telling us how hot it is in celsius and also good old Fahrenheit.
Now I have heard him, in referring to sea conditions and what it’s going to be like on the boats, not the ferries.
Colin has a good Scottish accent. But calling them boats makes him also sound a little bit Manx.
COLIN Brown has been on again, this time to tell me that for months, if not years, the door of the toilets on the ground floor of Noble’s Hospital have had the message: ‘Open with care. Person may be behind door.’
I keep waiting for them to change it but they haven’t done yet.
I am a collector of malapropisms, named after Mrs Malaprop. The latest I have heard is ‘anabolic stair rods.’ If anybody has any more, let me have them please.
CROSSWORD: Retailer.
FUNNIES File: The Wealden Advertiser offered: ‘Super water colour portraits of your pet dog, cat, gerbil, wife.’
SIGNS: At a car dealership: ‘The best way to get back on your feet is miss a car payment.’