DEPARTURE for some R&R at New Year obliged me to call upon Father Christmas to drop his own bag of goodies and have a rummage on my behalf through my now nearly 50-year-old Funnies File.
The Examiner was out first, as usual on these occasions. Some years ago it reported the disbandment of the Manx Government Employment Advisory Committee, saying: ‘It will be replaced by a sub-committee of the Board of Social Security chaired by Mr JC.’
Clearly his surname had been omitted in error – that or the Board was taking an opportunity to announce the Second Coming and His recruitment into the Isle of Man Civil Service.
Next we have the Manx Independent telling of the opening of a new branch of Lloyds Bank in Douglas which would incorporate ‘an ex-patriot unit.’
As for the Isle of Man Courier, its sports pages carried the headline: ‘Bobby George heads darts.’ And catches the javelin?
Next we switch on Manx Radio where, in 1986, a news bulletin reported the introduction of a new Manx collectible coin on to the world numismatic market. It was made of platinum and named the Noble and it was described as ‘the Isle of Man’s plutonium coin.’
Now that could burn a hole in your pocket.
The station at one time would get its world news from an outfit called IRN, otherwise Independent Radio News. It was a particularly dopy operation judging by some of the scripts it sent out, as follows:
‘In the Philippines guerrillas have been bombed by martyrs.’
‘The forcible deputation of Vietnamese boat people has been . . .’
‘Two men who set fire to a school have been charged with arsenal.’
In time the denizens of the Manx Radio newsroom became convinced that the IRN was a London-based terrorist organisation devoted to the destruction of the English language.
As usual I have contributions from people who bring back them to the Funnies File after excursions away from the Isle of Man.
There was an article in the Liverpool Echo which said: ‘Marie Stopes developed her interest in birth control after her first marriage was annulled on the grounds of non-consumption’
Meanwhile BBC Radio 4 had a studio discussion on body piercing in which a member of the panel said: ‘People might be shocked at meeting a girl with a tongue through her ring.’
‘The Journalist’, the newspaper of the National Union of Journalists, reported that a well-known columnist in London was having his work censored saying: ‘This is unprecedented action against a writer who has previously had a completely free reign.’
You see, we do it to ourselves.
We must not leave the Isle of Man’s politicians out of the mix. There was a debate in Tynwald on the remuneration of GPs, especially those in rural areas. One member declared: ‘They get a certain amount of mileage for outlandish patients.’
In the House of Keys, in a debate on egg price control, a member said: ‘Eggs are laid down by the Government.’
We also heard Dominic Delaney, MHK and later MLC, say: ‘If people intend to misquote me I would like them to misquote me accurately.’
Funnies File tradition now requires that we should end with something from the Examiner. It once carried the headline: ‘Male voice choir needs more members.’
Happy New Year.