There are signs all around Onchan Parish Church saying: ‘No dog fouling by order of Onchan Burial Authority.’ We human beings know what this means.
But do the dogs?
There are no dogs of my acquaintance who can read English although some fond owners insist that their pets understand every word they say, which could be true. But to confront them with the printed words ‘No Dog Fouling’ will mean nothing to them.
They will simply drop their little doggie dumplings when and where they decide it is the best thing to do.
Of course, the message is that dog owners should pick up and take the dumplings away and dispose of them hygienically. But catching them in the first place will call for a keen eye, fast reflexes and remarkable speed and agility if the dog owners are going to go into a running dive and get their hands under there in time to make a clean catch.
After this, however, they should not be encouraged to throw them back in the air in triumph as do slip fielders in cricket.
All right. I am being guilty of pedantry and there are plenty of the likes of me around the place and I have been encouraged to begin a Pedants’ Corner for the benefit of my world-wide readership. For instance, consider the following:
A woman finds her husband in bed with another woman. She cries: ‘I’m surprised at you.’ He replies: ‘It is me who is surprised. You are astonished.’
It will be seen that my Pedants’ Corner will be open to all contributions from outside by the position of the apostrophe.
They don’t call me Her Majesty’s Apostropher General in the Isle of Man for nothing.
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Sara Goodwins emails: ‘I was walking along the Maughold Road a few days ago and was stopped by a couple in a car who wanted to know where the A15 road was. They looked rather taken aback when I told them they were on it. Then they asked whether it was the right road for Mold, which I thought was in Wales. Seeing my obvious bewilderment they pointed to it on a map.’
It was Maughold.
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At last, a Manxman has won the men’s singles at Wimbledon. All hail, Novak Djoughinovic!
His parents are leading members of the Serbian Manx Society, you know.
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Sean emails to say that these days food labels warn that the products within may contain nuts, even when it’s peanuts. He adds that there is even a factory near Liverpool Airport with a sign saying no nuts are allowed on site.
I don’t know what they make at the factory. Nutcrackers perhaps.
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Richard Hetherington tells me the Sunday Telegraph re-printed some of the famous crosswords of shortly before D-Day which caused security alarms with answers including the code names of forthcoming landing beaches in Normandy. In one, for May 30, 1944, he also found the following Manx clue: ‘Man’s justice (8) – DEEMSTER.’
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Church notice: ‘The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.’
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The photograph in the middle of the text of Cringle Moor, sent to me by regular contributor Mrs P, was in the Daily Telegraph Saturday magazine.
This handsome stone seat for the benefit of hikers is on the Cleveland Way in North Yorkshire.
It will go with, in the Isle of Man, the Cringle Plantation, Cringle Reservoir and Cringle Park.
My property portfolio is expanding nicely.